The Start of a New Year

I feel like September is my January.

It feels far more like new beginnings to me than January ever does.

I had coffee and lunch with a great friend today - and realized how busy everyone around us has been.  New babies, new houses, renovations, kids going off to school again, big trips planned.  It got me thinking, again, about balance.

Life lately has felt so unbalanced, for so many reasons.  I'm trying to get better at that.  The summer was busy.   It has its ups and its downs.

Things with our oldest have been a lot to handle these days.  Appointments sometimes 1-2 x a week with various professionals has found me feeling a bit drained with more questions than answers, it seems.  I do feel extremely grateful to have so much professional support surrounding us.  At times, it just feels like a LOT.  Every time we get referred on to someone new, or another program that might help - I'll admit there are mixed emotions.  Gratitude but also mourning.  I know that might sound incredibly selfish.  It's hard to explain the mental and physical exhaustion that comes from constantly being "on" when you have a child with exceptional needs.  It becomes even more confusing when the diagnosis you'd assumed was correct may not actually be so. It feels a bit scary, actually. It's hard to want others to understand, but to know full well that they never really will.  I have to be OK with that.  I'm not yet, but I'm working on it.

So.  Balance...

I've started eating incredibly differently.  That has helped tremendously.  I am an emotional eater.  I also eat out of boredom. By cutting out all of those extra calories, I feel a sense of freedom from food about 90% of the time.  The other 10% I'm hangry and just want the damn icecream.

I've continued exercising, but with a little more regularity now that some post-partum "issues" are resolving with some physiotherapy.  That also helps my energy and my mental stamina.

I'm trying to get better at doing something fun once in a while. It's really easy to forget who you are and what you love to do, other than drink coffee and think about life.  I'm trying to stay on top of that. 

I'm trying to stop saying yes to everything.  Because I can't say no.  Ever.

Introspection often gives me a new outlook, new opportunity and new perspective.  There is a popular meme floating around, that quips at the difficulties of adulting.

I.totally.get.it.  At the same time, I'm trying to figure out how to make it less difficult.  Once I figure that out I'll let you know. I'll write a book.  Or not.  There's not enough coffee in the world for that.